Mama's weekend away: Road Trip

I started my drive around 7:30. I started it with Rend Collective blasting and my cup of coffee. 

I knew how many kilometers it was to the Highway so that I would know if I missed it. 

Those first 45 minutes to an hour are winding roads, beautiful scenery, and cars passing cars on blinding curves. It is not enough to pay attention to the cars in the other lane, you could, even in your own lane, have a car coming at you head on who was passing another car around a curve. I knew all of this and kept my head in the game. 

There was also the drug checkpoint, which made me nervous. People don't really travel alone here. I am a foreign woman...The Army guy with the big gun was friendly enough and tried out all his English on me. They were completely taking apart another car, removing seats and all. They photocopied my passport and sent me on my way. with this bit of English: "Have a pleasant journey."

About forty minutes in, an engine light starts flashing. 

Text David. "J, says that is normal, it is fine."

A little bit later another one comes on. Text David (stop texting and driving!)

I am on the highway now, yeah, I made that turn!

I was literally driving into the clouds. It was gorgeous.

I decide to put on the audio book "You and Me Forever" by Francis Chan. I listened to this almost the rest of the way. It was awesome, if you haven't read it, please do!!! David had listened to it when I was laid up with the flu, thought we should discuss it, and finally I got around to starting it on my runs and was really challenged by it. We hope to go through it together this year!

I finally call David, because texting and driving is never a good idea. I thought it could be a transmission thing. I did not want to be driving our friends' car with no oil in it or something dreadful like that that could destroy the engine.
'Do you know how to check oil?' David asked.
'Yes, my dad did teach me that!' (a useful skill, folks, thanks dad!)
'Be careful on the highway, make sure you are on a flat road, not an incline, and just know the engine will be very hot, so use a cloth of some sort.' I laughed and told him he sounded just like my dad.
But I will admit I was a little nervous.

Somewhere in there, about two hours in, Bella's teacher calls. She is throwing up at school.
Hmmmm....how is my plan working out so far? I contemplate turning around. Now David's day and possible rest of the week is interrupted/messed up/ruined. Not really, but I consider all the possibilities and take a deep breath while I break the bad news to David.

David gets Bella and Tobin and takes them home. Bella does have a virus and remains sick the next few days, only throwing up a few times. Tobin ended up staying home on Thursday with Bella. This did not fare well, 'he was a naughty boy' Sophia told me. 'What did he do?' I asked. 'Too many things to name." She replied. He went to school all day on Friday.

David is able to work his full days in spite of a sick child, and she is well taken care of.

Meanwhile, back on the road....
I decide to stop in the bigger city on the way to check the oil, instead of pulling off on the side of the road (what if I needed help?). This has me get off the highway a bit, so I pay attention to every turn. I pull into a gas station and they won't let me check it there. I pull behind the gas station near a bus station, next to a bus with a lady who happens to be the driver's helper. She gets down and watches me. We talk about the oil and possible engine trouble. The Father sent her there to reassure me. It looked like the car had plenty of oil, she definitely thought so too. I thanked her and went on my way.

Cruising along, making good time. Until we are directed to get off the highway on to the old road. I knew this was a possibility and knew it would slow my time. The roads are narrow, mountainous, bumpy, and would now be holding lots of big trucks plus me and others all on our way...

I was hoping the detour was well marked. I did text other friends, G and E at this point for moral support. It wasn't really well-marked but I could read the signs (Whew).
This was the first road. Not even paved. gravel dirt and muddy, it had been raining, and did rain that weekend also. This was when I was really thankful I was in the big SUV I was in.

Then the road changed and we really started cruising again. Not that bad, I thought, it will take longer but it won't be that bad.

Here is an example of passing on a blind curve:

Have I mentioned yet that there are LOTS of big trucks?

Narrow mountain road, bumpy, BIG trucks. And still we are doing okay. This is because coming down the mountain, southbound, the highway is still open. So, all of us going northbound go up in two lanes, following everyone else. This works fine for awhile....until...


You guessed it, someone decides to use the old road to go South. More than one person actually, and a few big trucks at that.

Dead stand still:

For Hours.

I am texting back and forth (which is safe because we are not moving). Early in the morning one friend texted; "lifting you up....asking that the day is not stressful in any way but surprisingly relaxing..."

There is the red truck coming down the mountain.
I text my friend back, tell her we will probably arrive at the same time, she plans on arriving tomorrow. She tells me to eat my snacks for the retreat...
Her text (after engine lights, Bella sick, and the off-road fiasco): "so my prs from this morning are answered differently than I hoped. Yikes!!! Be careful! Just don't fall off the mountain. I really want to see you tomorrow."

Falling off of the mountain was not a stretch, she knows Chinese mountain roads.
I decided that if need be I would hike over to that little farm house (that you can't see in my pic) and stay the night.

What I wanted to do was take control of the situation, walk up the mountain and start directing traffic. I was certain I could fix things, help people move their cars so we could get through. I had a ton of money in my car. And all the drivers getting out of their cars/trucks were men mainly. Suddenly I didn't feel so certain of myself. I got out a few times, talked to various people, who couldn't believe I was traveling alone. This is something the Chinese do not do. But they were all friendly, and I really did not feel scared.

Every time we moved a little, this black exhaust from the bus in front engulfed my car.
I texted Dave that I would spend the night in a village...and that I really had to pee, but that a bunch of men were standing around.

Then  a traffic police guy walked by and, I kid you not, told us to reverse down the mountain. I did laugh out loud.

Here is the thing. Most Chinese really just learned to drive in the past 5-10 years, except maybe big truck drivers. Really good at U-turns anywhere, really bad at reverse. Add that to narrow mountain road, steep cliff, big trucks. The cars started doing ten point turns in whatever little space they could to go back down. I hoped the bus' brakes would hold.

My next text: 'this should be on a TV show'.
My friend: "At least you have a great story for your blog. Our lives are getting to easy over here anyway."
Me: 'stop making me laugh, I will pee in my pants.'

We reverse for a little bit. Then forward motion and another stand still.
On the side of the mountain I see a little place to buy things. I ask to use their bathroom. She points me across the road to this:

That is the Chinese character for female/women. At least there was a women's and a men's.

I would have just gone out in the grass except for this:

All the drivers were standing around (that is the "bathroom" behind them....) Behind the trees, very steep drop-off.
Worst bathroom ever.

Finally we get moving, after about three hours of what I consider to be an amazing, but not atypical Asian road adventure.

Before reaching Dali, we were able to get back on the highway. I was extremely tired, from a short nights' sleep and the intense driving. I blasted Josh Garrels this time and made it all the way to the guest house without a hitch!

What I was most stressed out about, getting lost, was never a problem. Road delays, etc. while on my radar, never caused anxiety. The Father knows what He is doing and how to protect and guide. He did that for me, kept me calm, and even had me laughing in the midst of what was a frustrating situation...and yes, it does make a good blog story.

Mama's Weekend Away: The PREP

I volunteered to plan a ladies retreat, then someone was going to plan a bigger one in another country, then that got nixed and I got asked. With gusto I planned a trip for seven ladies, all moms of 2-6 kids (numbering 25 kids in all, with one on the way! WHOA). 

In other words, we all needed a little 'respite', a little 'rest', a little 'down time', something we each rarely get. 

When I volunteered, I had various ideas in my brain about the fun of it all, but when it came down to it, the pressure was on. This was the 'first annual' or 'first ever' event for this group of ladies and I could not disappoint! Not to mention it was in an unfamiliar city to us all and the logistics itself was a little daunting at first. I was also in charge of 'smoothness'. 

But these ladies are fabulous and flexible and patient, and I asked them many ideas, and even though I did feel some pressure about it all, in the end, I knew it would be just what the Father would have for us, no matter how smoothly or messy it went! 

Here was the other clincher: This was David's absolute busiest time of the year. I mean if ever there was a time I needed to be home it was this time. 

We had a guest for three weeks helping David. He didn't stay with us, but he was at our house a lot and almost every meal. That sounds stressful. He was probably one of the easiest and best guests we have ever had. He became like a part of our family for thosethree weeks. He has five kids, so he knows the drill, he has lived in China a long time, and had some incredible stories to share. They had planned the three week help and then I planned the retreat around that. Then they changed their dates. David assured me it would be fine. And so I planned accordingly, with guilty feelings still lingering.

I made: two loaves of banana bread, six loaves of poppy seed bread, 8 loaves of pumpkin gingerbread (all for David to take to work these three weeks, though I was only going to be gone 5 days), froze Lasagna, chicken pot pie, and arranged our kids to go to school all day and our helper to be here whenever David was not (which would be almost all day, every day). All of that was easier said than done. In the end we decided that Sophia would carpool with a neighbor morning and afternoon. And to avoid David having to take/pick up/take/pick up Tobin and Bella, I planned their afternoon time at home, giving our Ayi many ideas to keep them occupied and out of trouble. 

Meanwhile I was trying to come up with the best options for an encouraging time with the Ladies. We had one lady, our 'leader' so to speak, coming from Thailand, who would encourage us in the word, everyone else was traveling in-country. I made the reservations, tweaked the rooms (two ladies were bringing babies), made sure there was a place to meet, etc. One lady volunteered to play guitar for us, and the 'sessions' would be facilitated by me but led by others. 

One of the ladies, and close friend, G, came up with the great idea of having a friend of ours who lives in the retreat city lead a session on 'organizing your home' because she is a master at it. I started discussing this with E as an option and she agreed! Also on the agenda: shopping, eating good western food, games, and rest. 

But there was another big stresser: I was driving to the retreat in our team mates car all by myself. I was actually not stressed by the driving itself, though it is UNLIKE driving on an American road (Poppy and CC thought I was crazy for doing this). I was more stressed I would get lost, miss the highway turn and end up in Tibet (literally, since I was headed that way). David printed me a good Google Map and driving directions, the old fashioned way. I packed my snacks and all the other things and decided to leave a full day early. Wednesday morning by 7:30 I was out of the door. My plan was to get there in 5-6 hours, get my bearings around Dali old town, then go into the big town and visit two friends....I would wake up refreshed, have some good down time and then greet those arriving in morning or afternoon, to start the retreat by dinner time. 

'My plan' was not 'THE plan' however, and to read about the fun adventure the Father took me on...stay tuned for the Road Trip!

School and Pippi

Some various things we are doing in Homeschool these days...

Story of the World History always has some good projects and a lot of the time we just don't get to them. But cutting out paper dolls of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella is always fun, they had a blast with it. 

They were still working on their 'Tower of London' from the previous section where we talked about the "Princes in the Tower" and how Richard III 'did away' with them in a tragic tale.

They decided to put the Spanish King and Queen in their Towers of London, which I was okay with as long as they knew it wasn't historically correct.

I did promise to take them star gazing, and try to navigate like Henry the Navigator, but we haven't done it yet.

That same week Sophia was reading one of our National Geographic Kids Almanacs for 2015 and said: "MOM, they found Richard III's bones!!!" This was so timely and so we read up on it, how they figured they were his, etc. It fit perfectly into our history study.

We are hitting our last six weeks of Cycle 3 of CC. I know in the U.S. all of this is winding down, but we are still early in our semester since we started so late. We have moved away from our study of the human body and have moved on to Chemistry. I have done an experiment about every other week, not weekly. Here we made a 'bubbler' . I told them most chemical experiments can be performed with substances in our kitchen.

 Chem lab happened to be my favorite college course.

We just finished reading Pippi Longstocking, a book everyone enjoyed. Bella then wanted me to try to do her hair like Pippi. The chopsticks in her hair were Sophia's idea, and worked well. Bella was a little embarrassed, so these did not last too long. 

Sophia is getting tired of "being around people who are mean to me all the time" so her Chinese school semester has not gone as well, but she is still doing well over all, and is doing great with her studies there. We will persevere through this semester and then re-evaluate whether she will continue in local school, This would/could/should be its own post, but I doubt I will detail it all here. Just pray for us to have wisdom in these big and small decisions for our children.

Water Splashing 2015

 Just like Chinese New Year, Water Splashing festival is something you have to experience to believe.
It looks all pleasant in our back yard and baby pool, but I assure the streets were ripe with splashers throwing their buckets of water and balloons! It is actually a bit dangerous on the streets but David manages to take our kids to fun places that are not too dangerous. We always hear of people getting knocked off of their motos...

This year we did have a blast, and since I wasn't nursing or having a baby I participated a little more than normal. David took the Sat/Sun outings, and I took the kids out on Monday, the last day.

Meanwhile on the first two days (and before that) I started my labor of love: water balloons, I tried to keep track...but lost count, I am sure I filled up at least 250! 

 The first day Bella came back early and played with G in the pool.

Look at those curls.

The second day, Tobin decided to stay back and play with Gabrielle.

The crew: supersoakers unite!

Per tradition they came in to hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles!

What Kara Tippitts is Still Teaching Me

I started reading Kara's blog over a year ago.

And after about a month I took her blog off of my reader list.

I knew she had a lot to offer, but I also knew she was dying.

At that point I was not in a great place. But it was also a horribly crucial place in my relationships with God, David, and my kids.  I was about four months postpartum with number four; I was struggling. This was a real spiritual marker for me that I wrote a tad bit about HERE. 

I knew, that in my emotional/spiritual/physical state, I could not invest deep and well in a blog 'friendship' that had me walking with someone to their death.

God's grace abounded to me over those next few months, and I actually forgot about Kara Tippitts.

Then she went and wrote an amazingly poignant letter to a woman committing suicide in order not to suffer.  This letter was linked to all over the internet and I read it. And I remembered why I started reading her in the first place.

Kara was not your typical Christian with cancer saying: 'give God glory in suffering', 'it is for His glory, my good', 'it hurts but His grace is sufficient'. Those are true statements and maybe she did say those in some way. But she was deeply real about the fight to see God, to love Jesus, to live well with others while living and dying at the same time, which is what we are all doing anyway.  She candidly admitted the struggles and victories. She did indeed show that suffering can be beautiful.

BUT that is not what she is teaching me.

As soon as I re-started reading her blog, I knew it would be hard. And as her beautiful face and

family moments came across my screen I started to relate to her more and more.

She was 38. I am 38.

She had four kids. I have four kids.

Three girls, one boy. Yep, me too.

Her third is the boy, as is mine.

I just completely started putting myself in her shoes and putting each of my kids in her kids' shoes, which was quite easy to do since we had so many similarities.

And one night when I sat on our couch and cried at my lack of kindness towards the kids once again, and voiced my desire to David  to be changed by the gospel to the very core of my being….

He spoke truth in, and reeled me back from despair like he often does.

Then.

Then I opened my kindle and started reading Kara's book that I had bought a week prior. Not the one she is more famous for  ('The Hardest Peace'). No, I read her little ebook called Big Love, about how Love being kind will change your life.

And this is already what God had been working in me to really see and fight for: Kindness that brings peace.

As I read her story through this book she sounded just like me.

She talks about taking bad habits into her marriage, not fighting fair, just wanting to be right. She talked about her husband being so patient with her and having 'the long view of her'.

I could have written those lines.

She talked about  seeing her sin in her child and being completely broken. Yes, me.

And then she opened my eyes to see truth in a verse I had been meditating on all year, one that I have been trying to brand into my heart: 1 Pet 3: 4: '...let your adornment be the inner self with the lasting beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in God's sight' (RSV). When she read this verse she felt 'doomed'.  Every time I read this verse I feel it too: the utter 'never-ness' of it.

Here is what I am learning from Kara Tippits: "If it's the desire of God's heart to change us, He is a gentleman in growing us--patient, slow to anger, and ever-loving in our mishaps. I can now look at those verses without being tied in knots. Am I gentle? I have been gentled. Is my spirit quiet? My spirit has been quieted."

Yes, this. This truth of progress and process that has me being 'gentled' by my Savior, and 'quieted' by my God as I seek to live in a love that is kind. It is not my becoming a gentle, quiet spirited person (though I do continue to  beg for it), it is God making Lorraine more gentle than she was, I am 'being gentled' by Him. It is God quieting me daily, not instantly.

Her kids faces taught her "the value of being wrong, seeking to be gentle, a heart that longed to love generously. I longed to not withhold love when it was inconvenient to give it." This is such startling truth to live, and the exact place the Spirit had been working in me since the birth of Gabrielle. A desire to love differently than I had been. That meant loving myself and all my 'rightness' way less, and letting Jesus' 'lavish' love take hold and transform. This is what Kara is teaching me.

THEN, she started quoting Psalm 73. This passage is  an anchor passage for me, one that has pierced through, helped me see clearly, and given me hope in the darkest of times. And my 'dark times' don't compare with Kara's.

She reflected: 'The absence of suffering in my life is not my good. The nearness of God is my great, great, GOOD!!!"

She says: "I love that even in my brutish attitudes and failures, I am still continually with God. His nearness is my good. Know Him, know his nearness, let him love you. It is really the very heart of parenting with kindness."

Just a few days into my reading of her book, Kara Tippits died.  There I was resonating with all God had put on her heart, tearing up and reading things aloud to David at night, and there she was breathing her last breaths.

That  morning I turned the computer on and said to David: "She died, she's gone"  and he just hugged me. I didn't cry right away, but when he embraced me, and I leaned in...there was nothing for me to do but weep. 

There had been SO much 'crisis- mode' stuff going on in our life at that time, counsel upon counsel given and taken for various things, startling news, sad news from SO many people we are close to, that when Kara Tippits died, I seriously lost it for a few moments. 

And, while I was prepared for her death, I was not prepared for how I would take it.

I was actually grieving. I was grieving many things at that point.  And it was Kara's death that God used to help me start letting go of some emotions and really dealing with and talking through serious points of pain and uncertainty in our life.

It was/is a good grieve.

I am thankful for Kara Tippitts, her boldness to expose us all to her heart and let us see Christ being able to work in the harsh truth that death is coming, But His nearness is our good, and in His presence is fullness of joy. Praise Jesus, Kara  is indeed in all that fullness of joy right now.

Tobin at Four

Tobin is a super charmer, all rambunctious boy.
Here are some of his interests/quotes of late:

• He still talks about his cousin Isaiah a bit, and tucks his shirt in like him. When they play 'family' he is always 11 (now 12) years old, 'like Isaiah'. 
• "Can Poppy teach me how to fly an airplane, then when I grow up I can fly a helicopter and wear a helmet like this one (shows me the picture of the helicopter pilot and his gear)?"
• After Bella mentioned what she wanted to do when she grows up Tobin nonchalantly said in all seriousness: "I want to fix airplanes and be a super hero"
• he is really good at building things with legos, he can look at the pic and do it himself, or just picture it in his head and build something cool
• For a just four-year-old with very little practice (read: we don't do PE in our homeschool...yet), he has some pretty good ball skills with a soccer ball. And he hates to lose. 
• We have a book on SPEED that I recently got out for him. It is all things FAST. When he got to the fastest man in the world...Usain Bolt, he became a little infatuated. "can I have some shoes with Usain Bolt on them?" "Can I have a shirt with Usain Bolt on it?" I finally figured out that he wants the shirt, shorts, and shoes that Bolt is wearing in the picture, basically the Jamaican track team jersey!
• In all seriousness he asked me: 'Momma, who is faster Bolt or Dash (from the Incredibles)?" my reply (at first): 'honey....Dash is not a real person....' (seeing his face not understand, I decide to back pedal a little) "in the superhero world, Dash is the fastest, in the human world, Bolt is the fastest"
• because we tell him about how things like spinach and meat will help build his muscles, he eats a bite and then says 'see?!' and shows us his arm muscles.
• One day, taking B and T to school, I let them sit in the very front seat together (like the locals), (this is a short distance with very slow car speed). Bella started coming up with very creative things that our car would turn into if you pressed a certain button....then I said: " I don't know if daddy told you but he got a jet engine put in our car, and if you push this button it goes as fast as a fighter jet. But we can't use it in town because of all the cars on the road....really...ask him about it." Tobin smiled at me the whole time, so I didn't think he was buying it, and I am sure Bella didn't. Then Tobin, quite a few minutes later said: " I know mommy, you know at night when the cars are not out?' "cars or stars?" "Cars! when the cars are not out, we can go out on the street and press the button and use the engine!" 
• Tobin has a very sweet personality that is super fun. He loves playing with each of his sisters and is protective of Gabrielle. We are so blessed to have him in our lives, can't wait to see what the Lord does with him!

Tobin's 4th Birthday: The Celebration

Tobin was surprised by his cake and the decorations, he also thought he had to wait all afternoon to get his gifts. His teachers were sad he wasn't coming back that afternoon, and would not be there when they gave out the 45 sugar cookies I made and iced for them. Forty-one students, that is a small class in these parts.

 Love this kid!

His party was just a family gathering, and he didn't care. I told Sophia they should go out the back door, come to the front and knock like they were kids coming to the party. It was her idea to put the wigs on. "Hi, we are here for Tobin's birthday party." He just laughed!

 And gave this sheepish grin, like he didn't know what to make of his crazy sisters.

Gabrielle got in the mix of course.

See how lop-sided it is? The heat was also taking its toll.

Our new house helper gave him this ball/toy thingy that is quite cool and collapses when it hits the ground.

Gabrielle gave him her gift.

And we did get him a little RC motorboat that goes on real water.

Sophia's medicine wore off and she started feeling puny again.

Tobin played with new toys. I love his mouth making the noises in these pics.

Like the helicopters that fly over our house daily for the past month.

Gabrielle was our trash girl. She is really understanding everything these days. So off she went to the trash every time we asked her.

We had him practice in the bath tub first.

 Then outside...the fish chased it a bit.

It was not officially water splashing festival but I let them play with water.

 

That night we finished watching 'Big Hero Six' and Tobin dressed up like Hero Hamata, the main character. He really looked like him too, with long shorts and helmet. Then he climbed up on David's back who was BayMax at the time and flew Tobin around. It was priceless.

Happy Birthday Tobin!!!