Over my forty years,
since my ability to write, I have written various mother's day notes to my mom,
tributes in one form or another. And since our relationship has only gotten
better and is in a precious spot now, she certainly deserves another tribute of
love and honor today which she will receive (over the phone) from me. Our sweet
relationship now has been the outcome of 'blood, sweat, and tears' making it all the more precious--anecdotes
and memories perhaps better reserved for her and me to laugh and cry over
still.
But this year I have
decided to publicly give tribute to my mother-in-law. This relationship gets such a bad rap, and In
the country where I live, it is probably by far the most difficult. Unending
stories of tension and strife caused by both parties, we hear about all the
time.
I remember the first
time I met David's parents. I was nervous of course. But the simple fact they
were still married and that HE had a good relationship with them (he actually
communicated with them regularly), put me at ease a bit. They were sweet and kind--horrible adjectives, I know. They were sizing me up, I am sure. CC was then,
and still is a calm (verses animated), reserved lady. She was welcoming but I
just couldn't get a good read on her, she seemed genuinely thoughtful, and by
David's description, she loved the word. And this is what I started to learn
the more I got to know her over the next few months.
His parents were
taken aback when, from across the world (and having only dated two months) we
announced (in an email, bad move, don’t ever do that) that we were in love,
would marry soon and return to Asia for the long haul. Say what? You are going
to marry some girl we hardly know, and leave in a year?
But they love their
son. And they trusted David's wisdom in how God was leading and they asked
questions, rightfully so. At first I wondered how they could be unsure, when we
were so sure. But I came to realize it wasn't doubt per se, but just a parent leading
and loving a grown child through the most important decision of his life. (And
if it were me, I probably would have balked worse, now that I have four
children of my own).
It
was during this time she told me she had prayed for me before she ever knew me.
A mentor had told her to start praying for David's future wife, and she did.
Her faith shined, and her assurance that I was the answer to that prayer comforted me beyond
measure.
And so my life as
their daughter-in-law began. And then they were all in. She welcomed me. She
wrote me a thank you note when I 'let' her and Laura join me in shopping for a
wedding dress. I almost cried, because I was just thankful they wanted to be a
part.
Our first year of
marriage we lived across town and would go to their house for dinner and
'Alias' every week. The two months before moving overseas we lived in their
back bedroom. She watched me stumble as a newlywed, and as a new teacher. She
heard me navigate tough family relationships, she heard me call back and
apologize. She did not push, she listened and loved.
And we slowly got to
know each other.
I love that she does
not mince words, she is not bubbly with emotion that is meaningless, she is
genuine in her affection. She is not a doting mother-in-law, she is a bestowing
one. God knew what I needed in a my new family. I needed calm assurance of love
and that is what she bestows on me along with such gifts of grace and patience
and friendship.
The friendship part
is the gem of it all. Sure she is interested in our life and work overseas, but
she doesn't just ask the superficial questions. She asks the deep ones. She has
shared painstaking parenting decisions that bore tremendous fruit in her relationships
with her children. And I sense such wisdom in every aspect of her life. She
doesn't push to know anything but she waits to hear and learn and understand.
This is friendship. And while I knew David and his sister had a great
relationship with their mom and dad, I grew into it and didn't know just how
priceless it would be.
I can talk to my
mother-in-law about nearly anything. Seriously. Anything.
And here is
something most people do not know about her: She lives in chronic pain.
Debilitating pain. No one just outside her family knows this because she
doesn't complain. She travels 30+hours door to door to love on us and her
grandchildren. And it hurts her physically. This is sacrificial love.
I love that she and
Homer dance, dance well, and teach us and our children how. I remember loving
that about David upon first meeting him, he had rhythm and could cut-a-rug
swing dancing, but his parents? Who knew?
She is a gifted
musician and music teacher. This blesses my family in so many ways. I love that
she made David play the piano, this is one of the sexiest things about him
(yes, I used that word). She takes the time to do music class with our kids, an
area where I am greatly lacking.
She was a
synchronized swimmer (do you know how strong a swimmer you need to be to do
that junk?). I have watched video. She was amazing. She says she wasn't an
athlete, but that is beautiful athleticism. She was/is an incredible baton
twirler, maybe that is where some of our kids get their hand-eye coordination.
I love that she
loves to play games with us and our kids. She is not a sidelines grandma, she
is intentional. Vested. All in. I learn so much from how she loves our kids.
When I couldn't
communicate a certain hurt (having nothing to do with her) because of choking
tears, she hugged me and left me to share when I was ready. When I was
snarky/short with her or David (or both, I forget who at the moment) at one
point during our packing-up days in the States this past summer, I went to her
and apologized and she quickly forgave.
Some of our most
precious times is when they visit us or we visit them and we meet for 9 p.m.
snack in the kitchen for dessert and laughter. The friendship is forged here.
She loves to laugh
and has a great sense of humor. What I couldn't 'read' in her personality upon
meeting her has had me discover that there are layers of depth and fun to her
that are still being revealed. I love this.
God has blessed me
with this feeling of 'safety' in this relationship. This could be described as
feeling like being at 'rest' in their home. It is the same emotion. It means I
feel loved like their daughter. I know that if/when I fail them, they will love
me on….I know that she will always be there through the easy and the hard. She
is this steadfast peace in my mind. And this all is only from God. It is who
God made her to be for me (and her entire family).
If I am half the
mother-in-law that she is I will have done well.
Thank you, CC for
making me a better person, for always pursuing our family and pursuing a
relationship with me in particular, for demonstrating such generosity in your
love and time. For being such an example of Christ-like love to me.
You inspire me in my
motherhood.
Happy Mother's Day.
