craziness

it has been crazy around here, no doubt. Our internet has been on the blink, email not sending, etc. etc. Sophia and Isabella are doing well. Well...Sophia is getting more jealous I think, disobeying as I feed Isabella. A new twist on tantrums, when it took her almost 30 minutes of crying in her room before she was ready to apologize to me. I would ask: 'are you ready to tell mommy you are sorry for disobeying her?' 'no, not yet (sob, sob)' Whew, that was a hard day. I was tempted to think: 'this has got to be one of my worst parenting days,' then I thought about the reality that this is really just the tip of the iceberg...whoa. Need so much dependence on the Father. And that is what we are doing. So, we are still tired (and will be for the next 20 years), but we are refreshed in a sense when we RELY and REST in grace. The weight lifts and we enjoy more.

Here is a funny conversation Sophia had with our friends' helper as they were playing with play dough. Sophia began to call out for me a few times, wanting me to come to her:
friend: (in chinese) 'you don't need mommy, I am here to play with you, we can play together'
Sophia: (immediately clasps hands together and bows head, in English), 'thank you God that JieJie is playing with Sophia'

not much else going on. Trying to get a routine, it is coming slowly. The daily rains have been amazing, acting as our natural Aircon. Pineapple is so ripe and delicious, we drink smoothies daily. no complaints.

here are some pics:


this was the helper we had before we left, she came to visit with her mom, and brought us the standard 3 dozen eggs and rice.


5.5 weeks old. we were comparing skin color



almost 6 weeks old

the sky is falling

As you may recall, we have certain fears about the wiring and electricity running through our walls. And if you remember our previous post, these fears are not unfounded. Well, David had been replacing lots of light bulbs in our house. And he kept talking about wanting to replace the light fixtures (or some of them) because they didn't 'seem' right (at least the one in his office), something about the smell when he put the bulbs in and the way the plastic of the fixture had broken. Okay, another thing to add to the project list!

There was no need to wait, as last night the bulb and fixture blew up, blew out, went kabam, whatever you want to say, it blew and crashed and fell to the floor....a split second after David had walked under it. yes, a split second, no exaggeration. A second earlier and I would be writing about a possible trip to the emergency room (which here is a misnomer). All we know is: Praise God! what David really thinks is that we overloaded the wiring with our two 60 Watt bulbs. This is the highest wattage here, but most people here use 15-25 Watt bulbs.

We decided to replace the fixture with a ceiling fan and we got one for the girl's room too. The people who installed it said we do need to use lower watt bulbs. They went wide-eyed when he told them in America we use 100 Watt bulbs, and that we like our rooms bright. But we think we will heed the advice for that fixture!

Isabella Hayil's Birth Story (a very long post)

Born June 16, 2009 (written June 18th)

Since I wasn’t blogging back when Sophia was born, I have never posted her birth story (I may one day), and though both ended up with a Cesarean Section, they were quite different indeed.

Isabella is a precious little piece of God’s creation, tiny (just over six pounds), with blondish brown hair and seemingly dark eyes. Here is how she entered the world…

I had been having contractions on and off for a week, none that were productive, meaning, I was not dilated at all. On Sunday night, the 14th, they got consistent through the night, not allowing me to sleep, but then dissipated the next day. We went in for a routine appointment and assured me I was not in labor.

Since I had gotten no sleep, I took a nap that afternoon. Later in the evening (the 15th), I started feeling the tightness again. Between 10 pm and 4 am the contractions were about 10 minutes apart, not too painful, but still keeping me from sleep. By 4 am they were about 7 minutes apart and lasting almost a minute, a little less maybe, and were a little more painful but still quite bearable. At this point I knew I was probably not progressing, but I also knew that this was probably the real thing. Because we were trying for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), the doctor wanted us to come in when they were about 8 minutes apart just to have me close by (the risk with VBAC is uterine rupture so you need to be more closely watched), otherwise we would just try to labor at home as much as possible, which we did with Sophia.

I tried not to have any expectations when we went in that morning at 6 am. I knew that in the past two days I had a total of about 4-5 hours of sleep if that, I was already exhausted, and already it seemed slow going. My prayer was that God would give us the wisdom for the right decision needed in the moment and that we would not doubt it, the decision about another C-section or pressing for the VBAC (which was looking slimmer by the moment).

A nurse put me on a monitor, and only silence came. The sound of the machine echoed, but no heartbeat. She kept trying. Still nothing. I looked at David, his face was slight pale with fear and my eyes filled with tears, he grabbed my hand and started praying. I told him I had been feeling her move all morning, I didn’t understand. It was a very long 3 minutes or so. Finally the nurse went to get a different machine. And OH the sounds of the precious life beating inside! Praise the Lord.

At ease now, I stayed on the monitor for thirty minutes. I really was in labor, but very early stages. My doctor came in and did an exam. Cervix not open, baby way up high (way up high!). He kinda frowned and said: ‘to be honest…this will be a long drawn out process from what it looks like. At least another 12 hours (possibly 24) of labor probably more. IF you were having productive contractions, possibly 8 hours, but it doesn’t look that way. It is entirely up to you.” And he gave us some time to think and talk about it. I looked at David and said ‘no way.’ It wasn’t even the pain, I was enduring fine, I could eventually get pain meds if I wanted, etc, etc. (inducing also an option but not a very good one when you have the possibility of the uterus rupturing, I really wanted to avoid the ptocin that speeds up labor). My ‘no way’ was to the time frame and my extreme exhaustion that had already taken over. It was a little like Sophia’s situation all over again, without the 30 hours of painful back labor before hand. I even would have been willing to endure the 12-24 hours, that is standard labor, but only if I had had sleep the previous two days. So, we praised the Lord this was really a no brainer for us. We decided on a second C-section and he said it would happen at 9 am (an hour from that time).

Now for the interesting part as we enter the world of anesthesia. It was the same little Thai lady anesthesiologist that I had for Sophia (when I got that epidural I could still feel everything on my left side). She was chipper as always as she explained everything to me. David went to go check me into the hospital and they rolled me to the OR to start the numbing process (epidural). I was quite coherent for Sophia’s birth and remember it well, the only thing I felt at that time was a pushing/pulling sensation on my stomach, but no pain, that is how it is supposed to work…

About twenty minutes before nine she gives me the epidural, it always makes me feel a little sick and faint, I told the anesthesiologist this, she said: ‘okay, you sleep for five minutes’ and I guess gave me a sedative of some sort. Whoa, grogginess. I remember asking for David and the buzz as the room got full of doctors and nurses, but I was not nearly as coherent as I was with Sophia….I don’t remember hearing Isabella crying…I don’t feel the tugging and pulling and pressure…but I do begin to feel pain, different pain, as they stitch/staple me up. Actually now I don’t remember the pain that I felt, but I remember the conversation, my moaning, and my doctor looking over the curtain at me in shock as he tells someone to go get the anesthesiologist back in there. I kept saying, ‘I can feel that, it hurts, moan, moan’ quite a few times. The pictures they were trying to take with David, the baby and me all show my distress. I would have certainly been screaming if I could feel what they were really doing to me, but I could definitely feel some of it. And then the sedative, more drugs that knocked me out completely. Looking back, I can say I really do not remember that pain (the doctor said these narcotics can cause amnesia, scary), just all the drama that surrounded it, David is quite thankful, he was sure I would want no more kids after that if I could remember it well.

As they wheeled me out of the recovery room David was waiting, “How do you feel?” “Very drugged.” I replied. I was so out of it. And so thankful. I had already nursed Isabella once while in recovery and couldn’t wait to see her again. She was so tiny and so cute.

God has answered all of our prayers in regards to the birth of Isabella. A safe, healthy delivery (not without drama, but that is expected), and provision of great care, and loved ones with us to share the joy (the kudos due Poppy and CC are a different story altogether).

Sophia has done extremely well in her new world with a baby sister. This is in large part (or possibly completely ) due to Poppy and CC and David and how they have taken care of her and served me by making sure she was aware of everything. She has come to the hospital everyday to visit and then has had a good time with the grandparents and good alone time with Daddy as well. She loves Isabella but I know it will still take some more adjusting. She always wants to hold her and cries/throws a fit if she cannot. Tomorrow will be the true start of transition as we leave the hospital…

tidbits of the trip home

We arrived back home a week ago and are so thankful for the smooth travels and the warm welcome. Our travel day was long, but without problems. Isabella slept most of the way and Sophia was not too scared of the masked people who boarded our plane to take our temperature. Thankfully no one was quarantined. One thing that we were not prepared for was the paparazzi surrounding Sophia in every airport; she had maybe thirty pictures taken of her. She took it all in stride, but I was a little more anxious about the scene.

Upon arrival in our town we realized that the old airport had been demolished and removed, the new one standing long and tall in great splendor (the shape of a peacock, seriously). It had ‘domestic arrival’ venue which insinuates that the future may hold international flights…we can only hope.

On our flight was a man who had been with us all the way from Thailand. David started talking to him and discussed the man’s business selling Jade. He was very friendly and offered to drive us home. We did the normal refusal lots of times until he insisted. Isabella and I rode with them while David and Sophia rode in a taxi (because, yes, we had that much stuff). It took me a few hours to think back and realize that in America, never ever ever would you put your wife and newborn in a car with two male strangers, here this is so normal. The cultural differences still seem so vast at times, we are thankful for the friendliness and generosity…

The ride through town was quite nostalgic for me. The air smelled sweet like rain. The rice fields were a more brilliant green than I remember, the dusty road filled with tractors and buses of people going home for the day seemed to me so quaint and perfect.

Our house was soon filled with friends, our old helper and her friends and a grandma. Their visit was timely as the nostalgia wore off quickly and reality set in. Ants. Possible rats. Heat…HEAT…HEAT. Two crying babies, yes, two. Both waking in the night, yes, even the two year old. Tired, weary, worn. The adjustment is coming, but it is not without difficulty. And we are in need of perspective and truth every day or else the world and our purpose in it becomes muddled. We are trying to focus on thankfulness and joy and have really seen the blessing of the Father during this time.

Home again with two kids in tow

Isabella at 1 month old



Below are pics of Sophia and Isabella with Ai Muan, David's old teacher, Sophia adores him. When David told her he was coming over she was so excited, and when he came to the door she ran to him, yelled his name and threw her arms around him. She does not get this excited about anyone, not even us. It does help he always brings her a toy.

we were trying to wake up Isabella, Sophia is saying : 'open your eyes Isabella'

No, Pat, No...

Sophia has a Dr. Seuss book, 'Hop on Pop' that she really enjoys and can recite quite a bit of. We haven't read it in a while actually. There is one part she thinks is hilarious: 'Pat sat on a cat', 'Pat sat on a bat', 'Pat sat on a hat,' and then it has a picture of a cactus and 'pat' about to sit down: 'no, pat, no, don't sit on that.' She laughs every time. She has recited this in many settings. But like I said it has been awhile...
yesterday, she was telling Daddy to come sit next to her. She had her moo moo and baa baa blankies on the couch next to her. She kept saying 'daddy come sit near me,' and as he went to sit down (on the moo moos), she smiled and laughed and said 'no pat no, don't sit on that.' Clever, hilarious, wit...Fun. Guess you had to be there.

Also, when Sophia heard Isabella crying one time she said 'no whining, Isabella.' we had to smile, and then tell her that actually she is not Isabella's authority, we are. We also told her that Isabella wasn't whining, she was crying because she can't talk, unlike you, Sophia, who can talk, which is why you should not whine. you are a big girl.

Our return...

My brain mush is starting to clear. Not to say it won't be mush again tomorrow from sleep deprivation, packing, cleaning, disciplining, etc. But for now, I can think clearly once more. David took Sophia to the play place, I kept Isabella up for a while, put her down, and took a shower. What a shower can do for the soul...

Things are going okay here. Isabella is up more at night, so I am trying trying to keep her awake more during the day. This is a difficult task, I find myself being a lazy parent in all sorts of new ways these days...with Isabella, with Sophia... with everything. Yesterday, with an hour to myself, I had some good reading and rethinking, the Word is so good. I was deeply encouraged, repentant, and invigorated to rest in Grace, and move forward in faith, with diligence, not laziness, with thankfulness, not grumbling, with joy, not anxiety. These are my confessions to you. I could write a book full of them, for sure. Boring....I move on...

we return home this Thursday, if all goes as planned. We are SO excited. We have enjoyed our time here, but we are READY. things will not be easier there, but it is our home and we miss it dearly. We can't wait to get back and get into a good routine as a family of four. David and I have been talking back through our family 'mission' statement that we wrote years ago and adjusting, refocusing for what our family looks like now. It has been a good exercise....we are still working at it, but we are excited to implement some new goals and really focus more on some old ones as well.

I may post a few more today, but then not again probably until we get settled at home. Until then...

Random pics from the day we left the hospital...


They would not let me carry Isabella out. I think it is a new policy, that may have to do with security. The nurse had to put the baby in my arms in the taxi...