On the ‘Ides of March’ ten years ago, David and I were
married. From first date to first talk of marriage was two months. From first
date to actual wedding day was eleven months. Now, ten years later, we both
would agree our marriage is incredibly awesome…and not without lots of hard
work, patience, and trust in the Creator of marriage.
About 7-8 years in we realized (David more than me) that
we were in functional mode. I was certainly living to be served, and so tired,
and felt I had every right to be (self-focus tunneling all vision). We were living
more as roommates than friends and lovers. This ‘just functioning but not
thriving’ probably does happen to many married couples in the stage of raising
littles, one right after the other.
But once we really started talking about it and agreeing,
with David’s lead, we became much more prayerful and intentional. We decided to
spend the upcoming year really focusing on our marriage, and less on parenting.
We had read every parenting book (and are still reading some good ones) but
knew that our marriage would be the best influence (or worst potentially) on
our children. I am so thankful for David’s leading in this area. We talked more
daily, stopped to show affection more, and consistently (weekly) went on dates,
and these have grown into better habits and a strong marriage. Even back then,
when all weariness was affecting daily life, we both would have said that we
had a good marriage. Now we are starting to see what a really good marriage is
like….and don’t you know, the parenting struggles have lessened. They are still
ever-present, but because we communicate more and in more effective ways, we
are on the same page and are winning some of those daily parenting battles.
At ten years our marriage is stronger, our love forging
deeper, and our friendship the best it has ever been, all completely by the
grace of God. Completely.
