The other day our family went to KFC. This is a bit of a treat, the only real western food available here except what I cook.
As we were leaving, we spotted someone that looked like a foreigner in line. By the time we got outside our kids were talking about it non-stop. A minute later, through the big glass window, I saw Tobin and Bella back in KFC four feet from the woman and pointing at her.
Yes, she noticed.
They were probably saying: 'look at the foreigner'. I contemplated acting like I didn't know them. Instead I gracefully (ahem) ran inside and got them, smiling apologetically at the lady, who smiled back.
On the way out Tobin picked up a french fry off the ground (outside) and in all earnestness was about to eat it. I do not have to worry about him ever going hungry.
I was so entertained by these kids that I forgot they were mine for a moment, don't my kids know better than to do the things just mentioned? David was a few feet away and I belly laughed as I told him everything and how our kids are in much need of some (re)training.
So in the car we started the conversation of 'cultural appropriateness'. Sophia was completely tracking with us, and the others were still amazed that there was a foreigner in town.
We are explaining that some things are not good or bad things, they are not moral issues, simply cultural norms in one culture that may shock someone from another. We gave examples that we have all experienced.
A night later we had a local family over that we have known our entire time living here. The wife asked Tobin if he was full, and he stuck out his belly. She then went on to point out her husband's belly and laugh and say how fat he was and how he didn't like to exercise. He agreed by his smile and we all laughed as she continued. This is such a common conversation here that we are used to it. She was in no way belittling him, he wasn't made to feel small, she loves her husband and was sharing facts in a way that added to our conversation.
After our guests left we light-heartedly brought this up with our kids. They have experienced the whole: 'your fat' 'your skinny', 'your so white', 'your sister is prettier than you', 'your Chinese is better than hers/his', and on and on the honesty goes. I do address some of these things right as we experience them (especially the comparisons), but most of the time I let it go.
They all understood that the dinner conversation was completely appropriate, just not at a dinner table in America. But here? Enjoy the conversation, agree if you would like, and laugh on.
.... and even though you experience the 'hey look at that foreigner!' daily, let's not stare and point when you see one.
